Saved, Saved
by MeruMarsters
Summary: Saved, saved, wants to be saved, but it's a lie, because he can't be saved, because he doesn't think he should be saved... [one shot fic, redemptionista.]M for intellectual understanding and perception.


Titled: Saved, Saved.

Author: MurdokMarsters

Summary: Spike/Willow one shot fic, takes place in the school basement Season 7, Redemptionista.

Disclaimer: I have no claim over any aspect of Buffy the Vampire Slayer whatsoever. BTVS is owned and copyrighted by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, et al. You get it. I'm merely a fan... >> then again, if my muaha plan works and I own Spike, well... hides handcuffs oo ANYWAYS, don't sue, I'm not getting anything outa this except hopefully reviews. oo

Feedback: obviously. pfffffft. all happy little praises and constructive critisism will be noted and appreciated. All spiteful and may i mention lame and really pointless flames will he sent to the poof in L.A. to be filed. oo then, sent to a random hell demension that will be chosen by a pair of dice. oo spooky, all knowing dice.

A/N: The story hints at earlier romance between the two, so realize Willow went through alot of crap in huighschool, and in season 2, Spike found her. muahha. Not completely, but i tweaked it, so it's somewhat AU, but not reallly...

Saved, saved.

She walks into the basement, like she did all those years ago. Like she did when it was her, but no. This time, it's him. And she watches in silence as he rocks and mumbles words of apology to those so long gone, nobody will ever remember them. Nobody, because he doesn't count himself anymore, not worthy, not worthy. And still, she watches as gets louder and more insistent, telling them he changed, he's sorry, wants to be saved. To be saved, to be saved, but he knows it's a lie because he can't be saved, he doesn't believe it, because he doesn't think he should be. And he starts to sob uncontrollably, still mumbling, still muttering, and she can't watch anymore, she has to hold him, because she knows he needs it, even if it won't help all that much. She knows he needs it, because she remembers a time when she needed it, when she did, and that was the day he found her, the day his life changed, hers as well.

He's changed to much since then, started fighting for _them_, found a new reason to unlive, or so he thought. Hid their flame, their spark, so deep inside of himself that he's not sure it ever existed, in that secret place where William hides as well. But, now, he lets them both free.. So she moves over to him, holds him in her arms, rocks with him gently, slowing him down. And all the while he's still mumbling, and he turns to her and says, "Stay. Stay, stay. Gotta help me, gotta help me be quiet. Please, Red, gotta help me be quiet," And when he mentions that pet name he gave her so long ago, She knows he knows she's there, she knows she still loves him, that she always did. Knows that when they discovered he loved _Buffy_, that she broke inside, and she never actually healed, not really. They had moved on, she knew that's what they had said to each other, because _she_ wanted it, she _told_ him she wanted it, that it was all for the better, because they could never tell anyone, and it was killing her. Killing her, killing her, it was killing them both. Lies, lies, lies and torture. They both knew.

But now he's looking at her, looking at her with all kinds of need and sorrow, all kinds of _pain_, and she can't stand the intensity of his ocean blue stare, and she can't stand seeing him, feeling him, feeling his pain, and not being able to take it away. So she does what he did, what he did that night when he saved her, she kisses him, ever so softly. Like a question, questioning, questioning, asking him if she _can_, and when she does, he stops. And now he's holding her, and it's all coming back, it's alright for a second or two. And whatever bad, whatever evil that was inside his head, he tunes out. Tune it out, tune it out, he tunes them all out, the voices of his victims, because he knows he can't do shit about it now, and it comes as suddenly as he thinks it too, he really can't. It's impossible, impossible, it's done and over and gone, and it releases him. And it's all so clear, he just has to _try,_ to try and do what's right, because he can't do anything else.

As they sit there, holding and comforting on the stone cold floor, under the unknown gaze of something coming, something coming, there they find peace, they find love, in the arms of the other. And that's all he needed, all he wanted for so long. And it's more than enough for him.


End file.
